Alligator Pie Read online

  ALLIGATOR PIE

  the poems were written by DENNIS LEE

  the pictures were drawn by FRANK NEWFELD

  Dedication

  for Kevyn and Hilary

  Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Dedication

  Alligator Pie

  Wiggle to the Laundromat

  Singa Songa

  Bouncing Song

  Street Song

  Mumbo, Jumbo

  Willoughby Wallaby Woo

  Lying on Things

  Rattlesnake Skipping Song

  Bed Song

  In Kamloops

  Billy Batter

  Ookpik

  Bump on Your Thumb

  The Special Person

  Like a Giant in a Towel

  Flying Out of Holes

  William Lyon Mackenzie King

  Tony Baloney

  Skyscraper

  Tricking

  I Found a Silver Dollar

  If You Should Meet

  Higgledy Piggledy

  Thinking in Bed

  Nicholas Grouch

  Psychapoo

  On Tuesdays I Polish My Uncle

  The Fishes of Kempenfelt Bay

  Kahshe or Chicoutimi

  Tongue Twister

  The Hockey Game

  Peter Rabbit

  The Friends

  The Sitter and the Butter and the Better Batter Fritter

  Windshield Wipers

  A Postlude

  How Do You Illustrate Poems That Don’t Need Pictures?

  About the Authors

  Copyright

  About the Publisher

  Alligator Pie

  Alligator pie, alligator pie,

  If I don’t get some I think I’m gonna die.

  Give away the green grass, give away the sky,

  But don’t give away my alligator pie.

  Alligator stew, alligator stew,

  If I don’t get some I don’t know what I’ll do.

  Give away my furry hat, give away my shoe,

  But don’t give away my alligator stew.

  Alligator soup, alligator soup,

  If I don’t get some I think I’m gonna droop.

  Give away my hockey-stick, give away my hoop,

  But don’t give away my alligator soup.

  Wiggle to the Laundromat

  Wiggle to the laundromat,

  Waggle to the sea;

  Skip to Casa Loma

  And you can’t catch me!

  Singa Songa

  Singa songa sea

  I’ve got you by the knee.

  Singa songa sand

  I’ve got you by the hand.

  Singa songa snail

  I’ve got you by the tail.

  Singa songa seat

  And it’s time to eat!

  Bouncing Song

  Hambone, jawbone, mulligatawney stew,

  Pork chop, lamb chop, cold homebrew.

  Licorice sticks and popsicles, ice cream pie:

  Strawberry, chocolate, vanilla!!!

  Street Song

  Sidewalk,

  Hippity hop,

  Step on a crack

  Or you can’t come back.

  Skippity one,

  Skippity two,

  Wait for the mailman

  And kick off your shoe.

  Mumbo, Jumbo

  Mumbo Jumbo

  Christopher Colombo

  I’m sitting on the sidewalk

  Chewing bubble gumbo.

  I think I’ll catch a WHALE…

  I think I’ll catch a snail…

  I think I’ll sit around awhile

  Twiddling my thumbo.

  Willoughby Wallaby Woo

  Willoughby, wallaby, woo.

  I don’t know what to do.

  Willoughby, wallaby, wee.

  An elephant sat on me.

  Willoughby, wallaby, wash.

  I’m feeling kind of squash.

  Willoughby, wallaby, woo.

  And I don’t know what to do.

  Lying on Things

  After it snows

  I go and lie on things.

  I lie on my back

  And make snow-angel wings.

  I lie on my front

  And powder-puff my nose.

  I always lie on things

  Right after it snows.

  Rattlesnake Skipping Song

  Mississauga rattlesnakes

  Eat brown bread.

  Mississauga rattlesnakes

  Fall down dead.

  If you catch a caterpillar

  Feed him apple juice;

  But if you catch a rattlesnake

  Turn him loose!

  Bed Song

  Yonge Street, Bloor Street,

  Queen Street, King:

  Catch an itchy monkey

  With a piece of string.

  Eaton’s, and Simpson’s,

  And Honest Ed’s:

  Give him his pyjama pants

  And throw him into beds!

  In Kamloops

  In Kamloops

  I’ll eat your boots.

  In the Gatineaus

  I’ll eat your toes.

  In Napanee

  I’ll eat your knee.

  In Winnipeg

  I’ll eat your leg.

  In Charlottetown

  I’ll eat your gown.

  In Crysler’s Farm

  I’ll eat your arm.

  In Aklavik

  I’ll eat your neck.

  In Red Deer

  I’ll eat your ear.

  In Trois Rivières

  I’ll eat your hair.

  In Kitimat

  I’ll eat your hat.

  And I’ll eat your nose

  And I’ll eat your toes

  In Medicine Hat and

  Moose Jaw.

  Billy Batter

  Billy Batter,

  What’s the matter?

  How come you’re so sad?

  I lost my cat

  In the laundromat,

  And a dragon ran off with my dad,

  My dad—

  A dragon ran off with my dad!

  Billy Batter,

  What’s the matter?

  How come you’re so glum?

  I ripped my jeans

  On the coke machine,

  And a monster ran off with my mum,

  My mum—

  A monster ran off with my mum!

  Billy Batter,

  Now you’re better—

  Happy as a tack!

  The dragon’s gone

  To Saskatchewan;

  The monster fell

  In a wishing-well;

  The cat showed up

  With a new-born pup;

  I fixed the rips

  With potato chips,

  And my dad and my mum came back,

  Came back—

  My dad and my mum came back!

  Ookpik

  An Ookpik is nothing but hair.

  If you shave him, he isn’t there.

  He’s never locked in the zoo.

  He lives in a warm igloo.

  He can whistle and dance on the walls.

  He can dance on Niagara Falls.

  He has nothing at all on his mind.

  If you scratch him, he wags his behind.

  He dances from morning to night.

  Then he blinks. That turns out the light.

  Bump on Your Thumb

  Who shall be king of the little kids’ swing?

  Jimmy’s the king of the little kids’ swing

  With a bump on your thumb

  And a thump on your bum

  And tickle my tum in Toronto.

  Who shall see sta
rs on the climbing bars?

  Jimmy sees stars on the climbing bars

  With a bump on your thumb

  And a thump on your bum

  And tickle my tum in Toronto.

  And who shall come home with the night for his throne?

  Jimmy’s come home with the night for his throne

  With a bump on your thumb

  And a thump on your bum

  And tickle my tum in Toronto.

  The Special Person

  I’ve got a Special Person

  At my day-care, where I’m in.

  Her name is Mrs. Something

  But we mostly call her Lynn.

  ’Cause Lynn’s the one that shows you

  How to Squish a paper cup.

  And Lynn’s the one that smells good

  When you make her pick you up.

  She smells good when she picks you up.

  She knows alot of stories

  And she reads them off by heart.

  There’s one about a Bear, but I

  Forget the other part.

  She bit me on my knee once, ’cause I

  Said she couldn’t scream,

  And then I sent her in the hall,

  And then we had Ice Cream.

  I guess I’m going to marry Lynn

  When I get three or four,

  And Lynn can have my Crib, or else

  She’ll maybe sleep next door,

  ’Cause Jamie wants to marry Lynn

  And live here too, he said.

  (I guess he’ll have to come, but he’s

  Too Little for a bed.)

  Like a Giant in a Towel

  When the wind is blowing hard

  Like a giant in the yard,

  I’m glad my bed is warm;

  I’m glad my bed is warm.

  When the rain begins to rain

  Like a giant with a pain,

  I’m glad my bed is warm;

  I’m glad my bed is warm.

  When the snowstorm starts to howl

  Like a giant in a towel,

  I’m glad my bed is warm;

  I’m glad my bed is warm.

  And when the giants realize

  That no one’s scared of their disguise,

  They go to bed and close their eyes—

  They’re glad their beds are warm;

  They’re glad their beds are warm.

  Flying Out of Holes

  Mr. Mole. Mr. Mole! MR. MOLE!!!

  Come quick. I’m stuck in a hole.

  Burrow along with your snout.

  I’m stuck and I can’t get out.

  Push me and pull me. I’ll pop

  Straight up in the air, kerplop!

  Aren’t you going to come,

  You no-good burrowing bum?

  Never mind. I’m growing wings

  To fly out of holes and things.

  Now I’m flying straight up in the air.

  When you get here, I’ll land on your hair.

  I flew right out of that hole.

  Goodbye! Goodbye, Mr. Mole.

  William Lyon Mackenzie King

  William Lyon Mackenzie King

  Sat in the middle & played with string

  And he loved his mother like anything—

  William Lyon Mackenzie King.

  Tony Baloney

  Tony Baloney is fibbing again—

  Look at him wiggle and try to pretend.

  Tony Baloney is telling a lie:

  Phony old Tony Baloney, goodbye!

  Skyscraper

  Skyscraper, skyscraper,

  Scrape me some sky:

  Tickle the sun

  While the stars go by.

  Tickle the stars

  While the sun’s climbing high,

  Then skyscraper, skyscraper

  Scrape me some sky.

  Tricking

  When they bring me a plate

  Full of stuff that I hate,

  Like spinach and turnips and guck,

  I sit very straight

  And I look at the plate

  And I quietly say to it: “YUCK!”

  Little kids bawl

  ’Cause I used to be small,

  And I threw it all over the tray.

  But now I am three

  And I’m much more like me—

  I yuck till they take it away.

  But sometimes my dad

  Gets terriffickly mad,

  And he says, “Don’t you drink from that cup!”

  But he can’t say it right

  ’Cause he’s not very bright—

  So I trick him and drink it all up!

  Then he gets up and roars;

  He stomps on the floor

  And he hollers, “I warn you, don’t eat!!”

  He counts up to ten

  And I trick him again:

  I practically finish the meat.

  Then I start on the guck

  And my daddy goes “Yuck!”

  And he scrunches his eyes till they hurt.

  So I shovel it in

  And he grins a big grin.

  And then we have dessert.

  I Found a Silver Dollar

  I found a silver dollar,

  But I had to pay the rent.

  I found an alligator

  But his steering-wheel was bent.

  I found a little monkey,

  So I took him to the zoo.

  Then I found a sticky kiss and so

  I brought it home to you.

  If You Should Meet

  If you should meet a grundiboob,

  Comfort him with sugar cubes.

  Then send him on his way again

  With feather beds, in case of rain.

  If you meet him going out

  Place a doughnut on his snout.

  But if you meet him coming back,

  Give his nose a mighty whack.

  And if you meet a potamus,

  Sleeping on a cotamus,

  Do not sing or talkamus,

  But take him for a walkamus.

  If you should meet a crankabeast,

  Be sure his forehead isn’t creased;

  Then pat him gently on his heads

  And tuck him quickly into beds.

  Higgledy Piggledy

  Higgledy piggledy

  Wiggledy wump,

  I met a man

  Who caught a mump:

  With his left cheek lumpy

  And his right cheek bumpy—

  Higgledy piggledy

  Wiggledy wump.

  Higgledy piggledy

  Sniggledy sneezle,

  I met a man

  Who caught a measle:

  With his chest all dots

  And his face all spots—

  Higgledy piggledy

  Sniggledy sneezle.

  Thinking in Bed

  I’m thinking in bed,

  ’Cause I can’t get out

  Till I learn how to think

  What I’m thinking about;

  What I’m thinking about

  Is a person to be—

  A sort of a person

  Who feels like me.

  I might still be Alice,

  Excepting I’m not.

  And Snoopy is super,

  But not when it’s hot;

  I couldn’t be Piglet,

  I don’t think I’m Pooh,

  I know I’m not Daddy

  And I can’t be you.

  My breakfast is waiting.

  My clothes are all out,

  But what was that thing

  I was thinking about?

  I’ll never get up

  If I lie here all day;

  But I still haven’t thought,

  So I’ll just have to stay.

  If I was a Grinch

  I expect I would know.

  I might have been Batman,

  But I don’t think so.

  There’s so many people

  I don’t seem to be—


  I guess I’ll just have to

  Get up and be me.

  Nicholas Grouch

  Nicholas Grouch

  Has filled his pouch

  With garbage lids and bears.

  When he gets home

  His wife will groan

  And throw him down the stairs.

  Nicholas Grouch

  Has filled his pouch

  With wet potato peelings.

  When he gets back

  His wife will yack

  And hang him up on the ceiling.

  Nicholas Grouch

  Has filled his pouch

  With licorice sticks and toffee.

  When he gets in

  His wife will grin

  And give him a cup of coffee.

  Psychapoo

  Psychapoo,

  The silly goose,

  Brushed his teeth

  With apple juice.

  Psychapoo,

  The melon-head,

  Rode his bicycle

  In bed.

  His mother said,

  “Sit down and eat!”

  He swallowed the plate

  And left the meat.

  His father asked him,

  “Can’t you hear?”

  He had a carrot

  In his ear.

  He met a dog

  And shook its tail,

  Took a bath

  And caught a whale,

  Put it in his

  Piggy bank,

  Said, “I think I’ll

  Call it Frank.”

  His brother asked him,

  “Can’t you see?”

  He drank his hair

  And combed his tea.

  He took a trip

  To Newfoundland,

  Walking on water

  And swimming on land

  And every time

  He heard a shout,

  He took his pencil

  And rubbed it out.

  It isn’t me,

  It isn’t you,

  It’s nutty, mutty

  Psychapoo.

  On Tuesdays I Polish My Uncle

  I went to play in the park.